remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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