Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
