I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
