if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
