just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
