thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
