Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
