I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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