I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
