I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
