I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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