some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
