mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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