I'm laying in your front yard are you home
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
