For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
