I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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