Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
