you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
