everyone is single if you try hard enough
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
