Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
