Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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