I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
