i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize