It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dignity is for republicans.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
