i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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