is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
