yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
