party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
