Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
we're so committed to being not committed
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