do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
