The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
