Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i love accidental penises.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
