I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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