just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
