the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize