why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
sarcasm needs its own font
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
