Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
