he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
