I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
