Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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