Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
