The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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