I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Houston, we have a squirter
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
