i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
