wakey wakey hands off snakey
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
