Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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