So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
