I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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