THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
