Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
