i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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