ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
