i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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