i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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