I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
