So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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