I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
