Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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