You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
