I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
