I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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