Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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