I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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