I'm going to jail i love you
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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