you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
