I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
