He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
