Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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