Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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