Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
