my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
