how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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